


bring me home (to you)

by khrysallis



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5528888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khrysallis/pseuds/khrysallis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Fine</i>, as Yixing has learned, is just a lie he's been telling himself for five years and counting when it comes to Wu Yifan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bring me home (to you)

**Author's Note:**

> warning: heavy mentions of yifan and luhan's lawsuits. 
> 
>  
> 
> a tumblr prompt fill :)

"Are you not sleeping yet? You have an early flight to catch in a couple of hours." A soft voice asks, evidently having heard the rustling of sheets owing to Yixing's incessant tossing and turning in his bed. There's sleep in the other boy's words, and the strain in his intonation, peppered with so much exhaustion that it's making his voice crack, makes Yixing flush guiltily for disturbing his rest. 

"Sorry, Minseok hyung." Yixing croaks, wincing when his own voice cracks around its edges – this time from nervousness rather than exhaustion. His mind is an overdrive at this very moment, leaving him wide awake. "Nerves." 

He can hear the rustle of sheets coming from the opposite end of the room, and Minseok's eyes are bright beneath the moonlight that's streaming through the blinds of their shared space when he turns to look at Yixing. Yixing can almost see the dark circles beneath Minseok's eyes, usually concealed beneath layers upon layers of makeup. None of them are getting enough sleep, even now. "Is this because of Kris?" Minseok queries, more curiosity than accusation, but still it makes Yixing flinch at the name. 

In all fairness, it's been _years_ since Kris – _Yifan_ , his mind unhelpfully amends – had left EXO, and Yixing shouldn't be affected by him still. Or so Yixing had thought. The amount of times he's been replaying the way his eventual meeting with Yifan would unfold in his head, though, tells him otherwise, and Yixing resists the urge to groan. 

_Damn it, Zhang. Build a bridge and get over it already._

"Xing?" Minseok calls out again, and Yixing realises belatedly that he had missed _everything_ Minseok had just said to him. He really wants to hit himself in the face right now. 

"Sorry, hyung," he says again; wonders if he'll be repeating the same words over and over again if he should let their conversation drag on. "Go to sleep, I'll be fine." 

_Fine_ , as Yixing has learned, is just a lie he's been telling himself for five years and counting. 

 

\--

 

The trip in and out of two different airports passes by too quickly for Yixing's liking, as is for the journey from Baiyun International Airport to the designated hotel where Yixing's supposed to stay for the next couple of months, right in the heart of Guangzhou. It doesn't offer him nearly enough time to calm himself down, and Yixing wonders just why he had willingly accepted this job offer. Yixing's face is supported by an open palm as he stares out of the window, watching as the buildings loom and go out again. His mind is surprisingly blank, for all the thinking he's been doing all night and all this morning. 

Back when the news that Yifan had filed a lawsuit for contract nullification had broken out, Yixing remembers feeling extremely numbed. Betrayed, even, because he had thought he _mattered enough_ to Yifan for him to let Yixing know about these things.

Obviously, that had been wishful thinking on Yixing's part. Yifan had chosen Luhan over him to discuss about the lawsuit, as Yixing had so belatedly discovered. It doesn't help soothe the pain of betrayal, though, not when he considered both Yifan and Luhan to be his closest friends in the group. 

So much for being China Line. 

Five years on, Yifan has managed to disentangle himself from the company, and has carved a name for himself in the entertainment scene. Yixing can't say he's not envious of Yifan's success, all attained through his own hard work, and he's also jealous of the fact that Yifan can actually pick his own roles. Yixing isn't as lucky as Yifan is. Being under SME's wings still, there's a limitation as to which roles he can dabble with. _You can't act in roles that will destroy your innocent image_ , they would always tell him, and Yixing honestly wants to roll his eyes at the management. It's not as though he's still nothing but a young child, so he can't fathom why they keep selling his _innocent_ image to the fans. 

"Yixing," someone touches him by the elbow just then, shocking Yixing out of his reverie. It's a good thing that Yixing's already used to such situations happening to him, and he flails internally for a bit before answering his manager, as calmly as he can, with a slow blink of his eyes, making a show of his confusion. "We're here." 

And Yixing suddenly feels incredibly sick to the stomach when he raises his gaze and finds that they're already at the hotel, the wave of nausea hitting him hard at the prospect that he'd be meeting Yifan so soon. He doesn't even know how he should face Yifan after all these years, let alone what to _say_ when they finally meet. 

Somehow, Yixing held the silly wish that his company could have stuck to their bitter old ways of preventing their artistes from interacting with those who have left the company in front of the cameras, and rejected all common work projects. At least he wouldn't find himself in such a terrible situation. 

"Yixing?" His manager prompts once again when Yixing doesn't budge from his seat. "Are you alright? You seem a little pale."

Yixing swallows hard against the bile that's rising up the column of his throat, and inhales deeply to calm his nerves. "Fine," he manages to breathe moments later, hoping that his manager doesn't pick up on the strain in his voice. "I'm fine. Just a little drowsy after the flight, is all."

"Great. Come on then; we'll be late if we don't get you settled in soon." His manager offers him a small smile of relief, and slides out of the van in one swift motion. Yixing's head pounds at the fangirls' shrieks that flood into the space the moment the door has been opened, but he manages to put up a confident façade regardless. 

Now, if only that façade would stick until he's done meeting Wu Yifan. 

 

\--

 

His meeting with Yifan is _exactly_ how Yixing had imagined it to be – awkward as hell. Apart from a simple (and very polite) 'hello', there had been no further words exchanged between him and Yifan, considering how the director for their upcoming movie had arrived right at that moment and immediately dove into their script-reading session, citing time limitations for many of the main actors involved in the production. Yixing had very narrowly avoided sitting next to Yifan by making a beeline for the seat closest to the female lead, and the seat between him and Yifan was filled by the actor who's supposed to play Yifan's father in the movie. 

The distance between them doesn't deter Yifan from glancing at Yixing every now and then, however, and his gaze is particularly piercing whenever it's Yixing's turn to speak. He's only thankful that his manager was with him for their session, nudging him from behind when Yixing's mind drifts away from the discussion at hand, or he might actually space out and miss every single word the director was saying about the script and the scenes. It wouldn't have made a very good first impression, since it's the first time Yixing's actually working with the director for this movie. 

Yifan fails to catch him after they're dismissed from the conference room, too. Yixing knows his antics all too well by now, and he's almost a hundred percent sure that Yifan would corner him the moment they're left alone. It's all that Yixing needs to excuse himself once they're done, claiming that he has to catch up on his sleep, having attended a schedule till late the night before. It's not entirely a lie, though; the photos for their event are all over the Internet, and Yixing's sure Yifan still remembers how things are, being in the idol scene in Korea. They never do get enough rest, anyway. 

Yixing makes the mistake of looking back into the room when his manager closes the door after them, however. Yifan's hawk-like eyes are still trained on him, and Yixing rightfully flushes red when their gazes meet, though he quickly averts his eyes and walks away as quickly as he can. 

He can't forget the way Yifan had looked at him, as though Yixing _actually_ matters, as though Yifan's feeling _hurt_ that he's being ignored. 

 

\--

 

It's a game of hide and seek from that point on, with Yixing being the one who keeps hiding and Yifan, the one seeking for him. The hotel they're currently staying at can't be all that huge, but Yixing likes to think that he's good at playing this game. After all, it wouldn't explain why he's managed to avoid direct confrontation with Yifan for an entire week. 

(Their brief conversations during their filming sessions don't count, Yixing insists.)

It's not as though Yixing can't sense the frustration radiating off Yifan. He _can_ , but Yixing derives a juvenile sense of satisfaction in watching Yifan suffer. Yifan had it coming for him. He knows how vindictive Yixing can get, _if_ he actually remembers what it's like between them. Yixing doesn't know if it's working, but he wants Yifan to have a taste of his own medicine, is eager for him to experience how it's like, not being able to talk to someone you supposedly cared a lot about even when they're within reach. 

His luck doesn't last for long, though. Yifan finally manages to corner Yixing on the rooftop of the building they're filming in one day, when Yixing's completely stressed out from the filming session and his inability to deliver the lines properly. He's always had this habit of escaping to a place where no one else would be around, just so he could clear his thoughts of its clutter and think about what exactly has gone wrong with his methods. It seems that Yifan remembers this tiny detail with perfect clarity, and Yixing doesn't know if he should be overjoyed or upset that Yifan does. 

"Xing, are you okay?" Yifan calls out the moment he finds Yixing, who's leaning against the ledge and looking down at the busy streets beneath. Yixing jumps at the sound, not having expected anyone to come up to the rooftop after him, but his heart also constricts at the nickname. He swallows hard at the memories that flood his thoughts, his suit feeling much too restrictive and suffocating even in the crisp Spring air. 

The vindictive feeling is back in an instant, nonetheless, and Yixing turns around and narrows his eyes at the taller man. It's a good thing Yifan's keeping his distance, or Yixing might've lunged at him and thrown several punches at his infuriating face by now, the way he had always dreamt of doing when Yifan had first left. And Yifan would probably willingly lie there and let Yixing punch the living daylights out of him until Yixing's completely satisfied. 

He's infuriated by the mere thought of it alone. Yifan always makes things so easy for him. What the hell. 

"Funny you should ask, Wu Yifan." Yixing snaps, leaning backwards casually, putting his acting skills to good use. He doesn't need Yifan to find out that he's struggling just to keep his composure together. 

Yifan frowns at him for the comment, just as Yixing had expected him to. Yifan can be so horribly predictable sometimes. Two peas of the same pod. "What's with the passive-aggressiveness?" 

"Are you going to stand there and pretend that the last five years didn't happen?" Yixing replies, crossing his arms before his chest and pinning Yifan down with a particularly harsh look. "Five _years_ , Yifan, and you didn't even bother establishing contact. What makes you think you can waltz into my life once again and throw your concern around right now?" 

Yifan takes one step closer to Yixing, then reins himself back when he senses the hostility radiating off Yixing. "You changed your number immediately after... well, _that_ happened. I had no other way to contact you." He says, tone wry, but already Yixing has a retort on the tip of his tongue. 

"You're talking like my Weibo account doesn't exist." Yixing tells him as-a-matter-of-factly. "I didn't even unfollow you. You could've sent me a private message, or something."

The way Yifan's complexion pales gives Yixing a sense of victory. "Yixing, I– I didn't think you would want to talk to me. Not after what I've done." Yifan stutters, but it doesn't soothe the anger Yixing has held towards him all these years. Not one bit. 

It's rage dictating his actions when Yixing raises his gaze next. "You're really selfish, Wu Yifan. Do you know that?" 

That's when Yixing's manager appears at the stairwell and ushers him to head back for the next filming session, and Yixing offers no resistance as he walks past Yifan, making sure that the other man knows just how pissed Yixing is at him with another pointed glare.

It doesn't stop Yifan from grabbing hold of Yixing's upper arm, though. "Yixing, please–"

Yixing forcefully retracts his arm, shrugging Yifan off him without another word said. He's far too exhausted for this. 

 

\--

 

"How's filming going?"

Yixing smiles when the voice filters in through his phone, bringing with it a sense of familiarity and _homeliness_. It doesn't even matter that it's actually Luhan talking to him; his Beijing accent works wonders at calming Yixing down. It's not as though Yixing doesn't enjoy talking to his Korean members – he _does_ , but when he's worn out from work, Yixing isn't exactly fond of translating Korean phrases with his tired mind. 

And out of all those who have left, Luhan's the only one who had bothered keeping in touch with Yixing at all. 

Feeling a little cheeky, Yixing pretends to be offended. "So I'm not even worth a proper greeting these days? How could you, Lu?" 

As expected, Luhan snipes back at him. "Yeah, as if we're not already past that stage, Zhang." He says almost seriously, but it takes all but three seconds for Luhan to lose his composure, amused laughter following right after his words. "Come on, don't change the subject." 

Yixing can't even stop himself from sighing at Luhan's insistence. Of _course_ Luhan would ring him up and ask him about this – about his relationship (or lack thereof) with Yifan. Yixing can read Luhan's intentions like an open book, owing to the amount of years they've spent being close friends. It's not something that you just grow out of. "What's there to say? We're not talking." 

"At all?" Luhan sounds incredulous, and Yixing can almost picture his eyes growing wide. "Seriously? Dude, I thought you're still hung up over him." 

"Seriously." Yixing deadpans, not wanting to give Luhan the satisfaction of knowing that he's right. Yixing is so _not_ hung up over Wu Yifan. "I've gotten over that ages ago, Lu. Which ditch have you been living in?" 

Luhan still doesn't buy his words despite the jab. "A ditch where your phone's wallpaper is still a photo of Yifan holding your hand in his." 

Yixing flushes scarlet at the comment. Damn Luhan and his perceptiveness, but Yixing has never had the heart to swap out his wallpaper for some other photo. This particular one held a great deal of significance for him – it's the very first photo Yixing had taken with Yifan when they'd first started going out. 

Of course, Yixing isn't going to give in this easily, either. "Fuck you, Lu." He says scathingly, and decides to lie his way out of the situation. After all, Luhan isn't around to check on his phone. He doesn't have to know. "That's history. You haven't seen me in like, what? Two years?" 

"Still not buying your lies, Zhang." Luhan retorts. "The day you change your wallpaper will be the day I switch out the photo of me and–"

That's when Yixing has to step in to prevent Luhan from saying anything else. He shudders at the unfortunate memory of him accidentally taking a glimpse at Luhan's wallpaper once, and was met with the sight of what seems like Luhan's legs spread wide and the top of Jongin's head right between them, sucking Luhan off. Trust Luhan to be capable of such high level of indecency and to believe that such shots are socially acceptable to be made into his phone's wallpaper. Yixing's just surprised no fan of Luhan's have managed to snap a photo of his home screen yet. 

"Thanks for the unwanted reminder, Lu. You're fucking gross." Yixing groans into the phone, and Luhan cackles once again. He kind of really wants to bury Luhan alive for being such a terrible friend. 

"You love me, Zhang. Don't even deny it." Luhan says into the phone, but there's a dramatic pause and Yixing can already guess what's about to come. "Wait, you love Wu Yifan a lot more than you love me." 

Yixing groans again. Talking about a failed relationship – one where Yixing was unceremoniously dumped with a cleverly schemed disappearing act, no less – will never be a part of his list of favourite things to do in his spare time. Not when said ex is in the same building as him. "Han, can we not do this? Please?" 

" _Yixing_ ," Luhan stresses, and Yixing knows there's no way Luhan's going to let this matter rest. There's only a handful of times when Luhan would actually call Yixing by his name, and it's usually when Luhan has something serious to say. "It's been five years. Aren't you the least bit tired of this? Give him a chance. Give _yourself_ a chance, Yixing. You deserve to be happy, too."

In an instant Yixing's transported back to the time when they were still trainees, so painfully young and innocent and Luhan would always look after him, making sure Yixing's not getting bullied by the other trainees. Yifan would be there too, his tall figure silently looming over the rest and scaring the bullies off with a dark look, and Yixing's heart constricts at the memory. Why can't everything stay simple? 

"I'll think about it, Luhan. Good night." 

Yixing doesn't fall asleep for a long while after ending his conversation with Luhan. He spends the entire time staring at the ceiling instead, phone abandoned by the side of his pillow and the back of his arm pressed against his forehead. Back when Yixing was happier – _genuinely_ happy – there would be an arm pillowing his head, and a warm body pressed close to his. All that feels so incredibly distant right now, a part of his fading memories, but Yixing squeezes his eyes shut and grasps desperately at the strands of recollection that's slipping away.

He _wants_ to remember how it's like, being happy.

(Later that night, Luhan sends him a screenshot of his conversation with Yifan. Yixing rather wishes he hadn't.)

 

 

( _I miss him so much. But I know I've done something horribly wrong. Now all I can do is hope that he'll forgive me, eventually. It's all I'm asking for._ )

 

\--

 

The initial rejection on Yixing's part doesn't deter Yifan from attempting to talk to him at all, it seems, and Yixing finds that his resistance against Yifan is slowly getting worn down. Perhaps it's because of the screenshot Luhan had sent him. Perhaps he's just sick of everything. Yixing doesn't even know anymore. 

What he _does_ know, though, is that whatever resentment he's held against Yifan is nothing but a defence mechanism on his part, too afraid to fall in love all over again and to be hurt by Yifan yet another time. At the very least, over the next few weeks of their filming schedules, Yixing gradually learns how to be less hostile towards Yifan, and is better able to hold more civil conversations with the other man.

And Yixing realises that he's missed this – Yifan's deep timbre in his space, Yifan's goofy laughter and even goofier smiles with too much teeth, even his lame puns and jokes – so, so sorely. 

Yixing makes the mistake of telling this to Luhan one day, and gets teased mercilessly by his so-called _friend_ in return, though Yixing doesn't regret it one bit, not when Luhan sincerely tells him this: _I'm glad you're happier now._

It's funny, how one person can destroy his life completely and put it back together so seamlessly again.

 

\--

 

"You should have seen your face when the director praised you," Yifan's laugh is breathless and excited all at once, and much too close to Yixing's ear as they bundle into Yifan's hotel suite together. The weather outside is insanely cold for an autumn day, but at least the director is kind enough to have let them off a little earlier than usual. Something about being far ahead of schedule and quite a healthy amount of time left, he says. Yixing's not one to complain, though, considering the extra time they get to rest. Yifan had invited Yixing over to his room for dinner right after, a proposition that Yixing couldn't say no to. "You seem so surprised."

Yixing makes a face at Yifan, but joins in the laughter all the same and shoves at Yifan for the heck of it. "Shut up. I'm not a genius actor like you, asshole." He says, and it's a reminiscent of their banter in the past. Yixing's heart feels warm. 

Yifan gracelessly drops himself in the sofa next to the window as Yixing takes in his surroundings. Yifan's messy side has never changed, it seems, and his clothes are strewn all over. Minseok would throw a fit if he sees this. "You're underestimating yourself, Xing. This role is just out of your comfort zone at first, but you've improved considerably. The director's pretty happy with your performance."

"And you know this, why?" Yixing asks and flops onto the sofa next to Yifan, fixing him with _a look_. Their knees are knocking together, for the sheer reason that Yifan's limbs are much too long to fit into the space, but Yixing doesn't pull away. Welcomes it, in fact. 

Yifan's responding grin is disarming, and Yixing's heart skips a beat. It's been a long while since anyone has made him feel this way; it's only apt that Yifan's the one messing up with his head again. "You're not observing him closely enough. Have you realised how he doesn't interrupt the scenes as much now?" 

Yixing allows Yifan's words to sink in, and a relieved smile slowly spreads across his cheeks. He's right, in a way. "Yeah, I guess." 

Comfortable silence settles in between them soon after, and Yifan begins humming to a random tune, possibly a new song of his; Yixing hasn't heard of it before, but he allows Yifan's soothing voice lull him into peaceful rest.

He's almost on the brink of falling asleep, the exhaustion having seeped into his bones by now, when Yifan speaks up once again. "Hey, Xing?"

Yixing's eyes are half-open as he turns to regard Yifan, though his pulse speeds up when he realises just how close Yifan is to him. He hadn't noticed the distance between them before, and it's impossible that Yifan had shifted that much in the short span of five minutes. "Hmm?" He hums regardless, eyelids still close to fluttering shut. 

"I'm really sorry, you know. For leaving without letting you know." Yifan's voice is deep, honest, and the sleep is instantly forgotten as Yixing forces his eyes open so that he could regard Yifan. Yifan's eyes are the most expressive Yixing has seen on anyone, and the sincerity is reflected with perfect clarity within them when their gazes are finally locked. "I couldn't risk the company finding out, but I guess I should have thought about it more. I hurt you. Ruined whatever we had between us." 

"Do you regret it, then?" Yixing whispers, unable to trust himself to speak any louder than this. The emotions stirring within him is almost nauseating. 

"Leaving the company? No. Leaving you behind without proper closure? Yes, and I still do, even till this day." Yifan tells him, and Yixing jumps in surprise when Yifan reaches over to hold his hand in Yifan's larger one. His heart constricts at the gesture; he's missed this so, _so_ much. "And I still love you, too. I never stopped loving you. Will you forgive me?" 

The last of Yixing's resentment for Yifan melts into nothing at these words – words which he has been waiting for five long years to hear, and his heart threatens to burst at how happy he is. Perhaps he's never really blamed Yifan at all, seeing Yifan carve a name for himself and smiling genuinely for the first time since he'd joined SME. Deep down, Yixing had been proud of Yifan, even if he's not inclined to admit it aloud. It wouldn't otherwise explain why Yixing would always be on the lookout for his news, and listen to Yifan's new songs the minute they're released on the internet. 

It's with such thoughts that Yixing's emboldened enough to cup Yifan's cheek with his hand, smoothing his thumb over the prominence of his cheekbone and smiling tenderly at Yifan. "I was never genuinely angry at you, Yifan. You've told me of your dreams before, of wanting to be on the silver screen, and I would probably be pissed if you hadn't chased after them. You're never one to settle for mediocrity." 

Yixing's lashes flutter shut when Yifan closes the distance between their faces, close enough for the tips of their noses to touch but not close _enough_. "Can we pick up from where we left off, then? For me to fulfill the promises I've never been able to." 

Yixing doesn't honour him with a verbal answer, opting to instead wrap his arms around Yifan's neck and pressing their lips together. Yifan still tastes like peppermint and his favourite Americano and _home_ , and he can feel the smile spreading on Yifan's lips before he deepens the kiss, Yifan's larger frame enveloping him and cradling him like he's always done. 

He's finally found the way home, back in Yifan's arms, and Yixing can't get any happier than this.


End file.
